I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
