I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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