A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
