you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
