I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
