Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
