Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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