Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
