last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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