I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
