My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night