Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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