All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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