Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Randomize
