also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
