he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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