Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
