I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
