You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
