no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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