Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
