I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
