My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
