I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
