all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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