I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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