you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
