I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i think im in europe. pls send help
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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