Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
