i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
