Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
where are you?
Hypothermia
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
