so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
