wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
