then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
