I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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