best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
