I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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