I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I want her autograph on my taint
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
