Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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