Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
