Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Randomize
