You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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