Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
