I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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