So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
