My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
