Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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