I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
