I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
