The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
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I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
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Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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