Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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