What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
