We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
