You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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