I want to walk on stilts...naked
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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