I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i can't believe i had my finger in that
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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