Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
