I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I looked at my own cervix.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
