Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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