I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
