I need help removing her.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
