captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
