There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I love having hate sex.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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