Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
