Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
