I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
