i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I intend to get homeless drunk
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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