I only kidnapped one of them. chill
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
