I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
