before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
