I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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