yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
