You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
