I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
