Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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