Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
