just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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