I think I won the penis lottery.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
