Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
