Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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