I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
