Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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