why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
